I once heard a man say, “Son, you come from the most dysfunctional family I have ever seen in my life.” That quote seemed to be the story of my life. I was raised in Kansas City, Missouri, by my grandparents; that is up until the age of twelve. By the time I was in 7th grade I was already flunking out of school. I had grown up under traumatic circumstances that ranged from molestation to verbal abuse. It seemed at an early age that I would end up just another menace in society. My religious background consisted of a branch off of the Mormon Church known as the R.L.D.S. My family was one that was plagued by drug and alcohol abuse. Both my mother and father's sides of the family were known for extensive run-ins with the law and accordingly the state penitentiary. So it seemed clear the path that was planned for me.

At the age of seventeen I quit school and began my pursuit of happiness. I was a liar, a cheat and a thief. I made a living out of drug abuse and robbery to support my glamorous lifestyle. By the time I was nineteen years old I was sticking needles in my arm and smoking crack cocaine. I was, to say the least, out of control. At the age of twenty the law finally caught up with me and sent me away to the county jail to think about my actions. I had been picked up for 14 warrants out for my arrest. I resolved to get my life together at the onset of my sentence. Of course it didn't work.

Through the early years of my life I was in and out of jails and institutions as an attempt by the courts and my family to create a change in my life. Nothing seemed to work. I hated myself and everyone around me. At the age of twenty-one I was ready to end every thing. I was sitting in an empty basement with a 12-gauge shotgun in my mouth with the chamber loaded and the gun off of safety. I kept hearing voices telling me to kill myself. The only thing I can say at that moment that restrained me was an encounter with God I had had at the age of twelve. At last I attempted an A.A program to find help for my problems. There I was counseled that unless I changed I would be dead by the age of twenty-five ... and aside from divine intervention I believe it would have happened. However, A.A was my first true attempt to turn for help.

On Easter day of 1996, after 5 years of what I would consider to be hell, I looked up to Heaven and I said, “God, if there is anything you can do with my life, I give you permission; I surrender.” I was completely defeated. I had tried everything to escape God; relationships, drugs, crime, money, etc. At the age of twenty-two I surrendered my life to God.

Shortly after, the event that would forever change my life happened. One day after committing my life to the Lord, I went out with one of my uncles and did a shot of dope. I assumed that this was the end and that God surely rejected me for my actions. Yet, as I will never forget; I went home higher than a kite, and I opened up my bible and I began to cry. Years of pain and anguish began to shed off of me like rain and I felt the love of the God come upon me. I new in that moment that I was loved, even more than I loved myself. As bad and terrible as I was, Jesus reached down that day and wrapped his arms of love around me and my life has never been the same since. Friend, I love Jesus and I love my fellow man because Jesus first loved me. He is all I have in this life or ever will have, and I owe everything I have and ever will be to His amazing Love and mercy.